'Nam.

It was an uncomfortable ride from Vientiane in Laos, to Hanoi. 26 hours on a local bus, with men that did not have any qualms about keeping the windows open and smoking- rendering the gentlest puff of cool air futile. It was smoky, and hot, and the bus stank of expensive blue cheese- entirely my fault, for who was to know that my sandwich would melt into a sticky green mess within an hour.

We arrived in Hanoi, having heard tales of Vietnamese taxi drivers with penchants for ripping off tourists left right and centre. With that in mind we spent ten minutes negotiating a good price from Hanoi bus station to our hotel. The cunning rat tried to rip us off anyway.

Hanoi was a blur, intense heat, sweat, baguettes and more motorcycles (xe om's) than I have ever seen. Hurtling round corners, driving the wrong way down the roads; the theme tune to Vietnam is a constant 'toot beep' that carries on into the early hours. Women carry sticks over their shoulders, selling nuts and baguettes and fruits that look like potatoes, their conical hats shading their tired faces.

We went to a museum, I burnt my leg rather badly on the engine of the motorbike taxi- and spent three hours with a limp, unable to relax unless a can of Pepsi was thrust on my blistered leg. Will was ecstatic at the prospect of not trawling around a museum for the afternoon. We saw traditional Vietnamese dress, houses, and then went back to our air conditioned room, smug that we had ventured out into the sun for a few hours and achieved something. Then we napped, exhausted.

A trip to Vietnam would of course not be complete without a trip to the stunning Ha Long Bay. Renowned for its beauty, and a world heritage sight, the Bay is essentially hundreds of limestone karsts sticking out into the ocean- dotted with floating villages, and caves. The Ha Long Bay trip is notorious for being a bit dodgy- you are sold a package, with pictures of Junk boats and luxury. Then you turn up onto a ramshackle old boat with unfriendly staff, and are herded around for the day. Which is what happened to us. The boat itself was pretty majestic, all old dark wood and carved dragons. We had a lunch- squid, of course, with spinach and rice. That was dinner for the evening as well. In short, we spent the day on the ocean, kayaking, swimming, and taking it in.

The only low point was the trip to the cave- a real thing of beauty, ruined by the 300 or so people pushing past you, shouting, taking pictures. And not just of the cave. Now I am not beautiful nor odd looking by any means, which are the only reasons I could think someone would want to take a picture of me. Either that, or they were having a giggle at my pissed off sweaty red face- on three separate occasions Vietnamese people snapped me with their phones, chuckling to themselves. Which was a odd.

Sunset in the bay was great, we took some good pics, then settled down below deck for some drinking games. The Vietnamese staff on board weren't having any of that though, sniffing people's drinks for alcohol so that they could impose a 'tax' for any brought on board; even threatening to search peoples bags. A mutiny ensued. Well actually, a mutiny would have been ensued had we not given in and paid our $5 tax each. We drank the night away, some staying up to watch the disastrous England vs Algeria.

Hue was the next stop on our sped up trip through Vietnam- an hours bike ride around the citadel and city was more than we needed, and we jumped on the bus to Hoi An.

Hoi An is essentially a town of tailors. Suit tailors and dressmakers and hotels, and that. is. it. But we took advantage and got carried away, getting a suit made each, enjoying the bespoke service for $70 a suit. Will even went and got a powder blue linen suit made- when he wears it, he looks like a 70's millionare- someone who wears a lot of gold and probably owns a boat in Miami. Hoi An itself was beautiful- we spent a few days just relaxing, biking to the beach, and eating good food.

I write now from Nha Trang, where we have spent the past five days stuck in a comfort zone. We have rented motorbikes, zoomed around, eaten delicious food and lapped up the luxe- staying in nice hotels, sitting watching dvd's, pretending we aren't going home in a few days.

On our second day, we drove a few kilometres down the coast, to a pagoda. We were conned into giving 'donations' and buying postcards, you think by now we would be used to saying no to touts and vendors. But the pagoda was beautiful, with a giant white Buddha sat atop a hill. We then drove off (a white knuckle ride down a highway) to the mineral mud baths. Sort of like a Thorpe Park attraction for the Vietnamese, the ordeal involved sitting in hot tubs pumped full of mud, then mineral water, then swimming. Very strange, sat shoulder to shoulder semi nude with a couple of Vietnamese men splashing mud about, but there we go.

And now we finish our journey in Saigon, just for a day. Then we fly to Bangkok, to buy souvenirs, and to recollect on the perfect few months we have just enjoyed, before boarding a plane back to reality.